The holiday is over now. Holidays no longer mean celebration. Holidays are all about the last one that we spent together with Nick. It has now been two years since Nickolas was alive on a 4th of July. Two years ago on July 4th, 2009, we watched fireworks from the window of Johns Hopkins hospital. Nick was in a hospital bed, barely able to breath or move. I remember those days with pain and anguish. I hate that this is where Nick had to spend his last holiday here on earth. I cannot paint a happy face on those moments. The memories haunt. They claw at me without mercy. I don't expect anyone to understand. I have given up on that a long time ago. I walk a path strewn with the shattered remnants of my life. My son is lost to me forever. Damage done. Pieces falling from me.
July 05, 2011
Pieces Falling From Me
The holiday is over now. Holidays no longer mean celebration. Holidays are all about the last one that we spent together with Nick. It has now been two years since Nickolas was alive on a 4th of July. Two years ago on July 4th, 2009, we watched fireworks from the window of Johns Hopkins hospital. Nick was in a hospital bed, barely able to breath or move. I remember those days with pain and anguish. I hate that this is where Nick had to spend his last holiday here on earth. I cannot paint a happy face on those moments. The memories haunt. They claw at me without mercy. I don't expect anyone to understand. I have given up on that a long time ago. I walk a path strewn with the shattered remnants of my life. My son is lost to me forever. Damage done. Pieces falling from me.
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