Lonely Tree

Sitting, staring at the blank page.
No words seem to come.
How does it happen...this numbness?
How much longer will I feel this way?
Alone in a void of silence and pain.
Should I feel good that I am not crying every single day?
Nickolas seems to drift farther and farther from me every day.
Memories cannot replace a loved one.
It's not possible.
It's not the same.
Nothing is the same.
Nothing will ever be the same.
I want to scream.
I want to break things.
I want to be someone else.
How many more days?
How much longer?

Started to go through Nick's things....
"I know...let's make a quilt out of Nick's shirts, that will make everybody feel better right?"

I look around Nick's room, his things gathering dust as my heart gathers pain. 
Soon the holidays will be here....a never ending cycle.

Running Away

"Running away never solved anything!" she said with great authority and no practical knowledge of what she was talking about.

"It seems like a good idea to me."

I  just want to disappear...still. 

I am invisible, so I guess I have already disappeared. 

Question below was taken from The Compassionate Friend Facebook page:

"Does anyone else have days when you just want it to be okay to feel miserable? To not feel like you have to be strong in public and act like you are okay when really you are dying inside and you want that to just be okay for that day." 

So tired of saying I am "ok" when I am not.  So tired....