The holiday is over now. Holidays no longer mean celebration. Holidays are all about the last one that we spent together with Nick. It has now been two years since Nickolas was alive on a 4th of July. Two years ago on July 4th, 2009, we watched fireworks from the window of Johns Hopkins hospital. Nick was in a hospital bed, barely able to breath or move. I remember those days with pain and anguish. I hate that this is where Nick had to spend his last holiday here on earth. I cannot paint a happy face on those moments. The memories haunt. They claw at me without mercy. I don't expect anyone to understand. I have given up on that a long time ago. I walk a path strewn with the shattered remnants of my life. My son is lost to me forever. Damage done. Pieces falling from me.
July 05, 2011
Pieces Falling From Me
The holiday is over now. Holidays no longer mean celebration. Holidays are all about the last one that we spent together with Nick. It has now been two years since Nickolas was alive on a 4th of July. Two years ago on July 4th, 2009, we watched fireworks from the window of Johns Hopkins hospital. Nick was in a hospital bed, barely able to breath or move. I remember those days with pain and anguish. I hate that this is where Nick had to spend his last holiday here on earth. I cannot paint a happy face on those moments. The memories haunt. They claw at me without mercy. I don't expect anyone to understand. I have given up on that a long time ago. I walk a path strewn with the shattered remnants of my life. My son is lost to me forever. Damage done. Pieces falling from me.
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3 comments:
Dear Diane,
I did think of you yesterday. I understand as much as I can, but you are right unless you have suffered such a loss, you truly do not understand. I never want to truly understand that pain. I will continue to pray that you find some peace and one day will be able to laugh again.
Love,
MAry E
Hi Diane,
I wrote a bunch of stuff, couldn't log on to my Google Acct and lost it all. Suffice to say, I'm thinking of you and although I don't understand exactly, I do understand the pain of the loss.
Love,
Vic
Hi Diane,
It's true, those who've not experienced what you have can't understand your pain. But we wish you health, happiness, and the peace you seek.
~P~
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