I wish you were at the beach too Nick. I wish you never had to leave the beach that week in August when we got the news that they had found a marrow donor. Nothing worked out the way it was supposed to...the bone marrow transplant was supposed to save you you. You were supposed to be alive. You were supposed to be here with us. You were supposed to live! You weren't supposed to die. Everything is so messed up....I cannot believe it has been almost six years since I have seen your smile, heard your voice, stood next to you and felt your gentle spirit, laughed with you, talked with you. I was supposed to watch you grow as a man and dance with you at your wedding and watch you start your family. I was not supposed to be sad for the rest of my life, grieving over the loss of my only son. I will never understand this.
When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea
drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and
imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused. ~Rainer Maria Rilke
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