Four minutes,Four months,
four years.
My heart aches all the same.
The sadness flows from my eyes.
The tears never seem to stop.
Missing you Nick.
Missing your joyous soul.
Missing your smile.
Missing the way you would brighten my day.
Missing the love you brought to all of us.
Nothing is the same without you near.
I will never be whole again.
On this date four months ago today, my sweet son was taken from this world by lungs that betrayed him and a system that could not save him. These ugly truths haunt me and I fear they are tearing me apart. I am doing the best that I can, but, it feels awful right now.
Today is the Worldwide Candlelighting Ceremony sponsored by The Compassionate Friends. The candle lighting event takes place all over the world in remembrance of all children who have died. This event always happens on the second Sunday in December. If you go to this site, you can leave a message for Nickolas. I hope everyone will take time to send your thoughts and love to Nick. It makes me so sad to wonder where he is and what he is doing. Is he happy? Is he afraid? Is he hungry or cold? Are his lungs healed now and he is free? I wish I could KNOW that! I wish I could have one of those Hallmark movie moments...and it would stop hurting so much.
Last week I received a poem from one of my dancers at the studio. She wrote the poem after Nick's memorial service and mailed it to me this past week. I was so touched that this wonderful young lady would take the time to write a poem about Nick and though it made me cry (as everything these days is wont to do), it also made me happy to have this poem in my hands that reminded me that our wonderful Nick is not forgotten; that he was and is much loved, as are those of us who must remain here on this earth and carry this burden of grief. Here is her poem.
"Nick"
I didn't know you in life,
But I know your mother.
She offers a second home,
And I've grown to love her.
I didn't know you,
But, I've prayed for you,
I didn't know you,
But, I've cried for you.
And now that your gone,
The piece of me that cared for you
It burns brightly, it lives on.
I didn't know your kindness
or the way your serenity filled up the room,
But, I've seen the lives you touched,
The people you brought together.
You may not be here right now,
But, those lives will be changed forever.
I wish I could have met you
To see this wonderful man in person,
But, I guess now I'll have to wait
For God to open his pearly gates.
Please wait for me, Nick Pippen
Wait for me to come,
Be the first to welcome me,
Into God's Kingdom.
6 comments:
Dear Diane,
What a lovely poem. I hope this comforts you and helps you recognize the difference Nick and his story has made in so many people's lives. I can not begin to imagine how difficult things are for you, your family, Kate and all of those that were close to Nick, but I hope you can find a little tiny bit of comfort knowing Nick is somewhere safe and warm, healthy and happy. He went from the arms of a loving mother to heaven in God's arm, where he is safe. I know Nick will visit you soon in your dreams and some of questions will be answered. My thoughts are with you today and always.
Love,
Mary E
Big D,
That was a beautiful poem :)I trust that Nick is safe, warm, and happy this December. He's spirit is always surrounding you and his lungs are healed. He's not only thought of this holiday season, but everyday. I hope you can find some sense of comfort when you see him among the stars, trusting he's free from pain.
Love you lots! Sarah
Nick is not forgotten and neither are you Diane.
I absolutely love the poem "Nick". She must be a very special young lady and I am so happy she is in your life. Give her a hug from me and tell her thank you for writing that and sending it to you! Very sweet, touching and thoughtful indeed. Maybe someday she will choreograph a dance in Nick's memory as well.... Just a thought. Hugs!!
Love,
Vicki T.
Seester, every day when I'm on the train, there is a time right before the train pulls out of the station that the lights go out. Ever since Nick got sick, this has been my time to say a little prayer for him, to ask God to make it OK. Since Nick passed away, I still take this little time and wonder how he is doing. When I see Nick in my head, I see him smiling and listening to his music at some crazy mountain campsite, and maybe I'm crazy, but it seems like he is telling me he's OK. I told him the other day, you need to go see your Mama and tell her your OK. You know I am not all that religious, but I feel like he is in a happy place, and we are in the sad place missing him. I know you have heard a thousand times, that he wouldn't want that, and you can't help but be sad. I hope you find your way to seeing Nick in a happy place. I love you big sister!
That is the most amazing poem. So beautiful. I think we step out on faith every day. Faith that the car will start, faith that the food we eat is safe, faith that things will work the way we expect them to work. They don't always, things go wrong, it's not usually anyone's fault but we continue to have faith. I pray that you will have faith, and that you will heal, and that the smile you have in your heart for Nick will shine brightly in your eyes.
Love,
Joyce
Nick is with God. He feels no pain. He is completely healed.
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