How do you "celebrate" Father's Day when you have lost one of your children? The answer is we don't! Last year at this time Nick had been in the hospital since June 5th. Nick had the lung biopsy done on June 19th and so he spent Father's Day on a breathing machine with tubes coming out of his body in every direction. He was in a lot of pain and for the first forty-eight hours it was all they could do to get him sedated and out of pain. Glenn and I hovered around his bed for hours trying to calm him, soothe him, and get him comfortable in any way we could. Today I realized that Father's Day passed for all of us without notice. Nick didn't even know it was Father's Day. The lung biopsy was the start of several extremely rocky weeks. Poor Nick suffered so much and Glenn, Sara, Kate & I right along with him.Today Glenn and I cried once again about the loss of our beautiful, sweet boy. The pain cuts deeply and without surcease. A few weeks ago I found some old Father's Day cards that Nickolas had given to his Dad. They just break my heart. If only I could bring back my little man with his Donald Duck flip flops. If only I didn't have to see his Birkenstock sandals sitting by his bed every day, reminding me he will never walk on this Earth ever again.
"My son, a perfect little boy of five years and three months, had ended his earthly life. You can never sympathize with me; you can never know how much of me such a young child can take away. A few weeks ago I accounted myself a very rich man, and now the poorest of all."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson, on the death of his son
3 comments:
Dear Diane,
I hope and pray that one day when the different holidays arrive (and really everyday) when you think of Nick, (you will always be sad), but along with the tears are also smiles as you remember the special young man you had the honor of calling son!
Love,
Mary E.
Seester.....only the unfortunate few can know what you and Glenn and Sara are going through. Sometimes the words you say or the songs you post help the others of us understand. "he's not just anyone....he's my son" did it for me today. I am at my desk crying again. Thinking of all of you and of Nick and wishing you some kind of peace. Love you.....
There just aren't words.
Just like you wished for Nick to be free from pain and healthy, I am wishing that for you, too.
You have many people who love you.
You have many gifts to offer.
We are all behind you...most of us in silence.
We haven't forgotten.
I have not forgotten.
Not for a minute.
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