#1 -If you have not done so already, I am asking everyone to PLEASE make a donation to Max's Ring of Fire to show support for Max's Fun Run, which will be held on September 11th. I posted a version of the song "Ring of Fire" on my play list so you can sing along and think of Max and his family. If you need another inspirational and courageous story of Max and his family, please read the most recent post on Max's blog, written by Max's Dad, entitled, "The Night Max Went To Heaven." #2 - Please go to this link and VOTE for "Arms Wide Open Childhood Cancer Foundation" so they can win $250K from the Pepsi Refresh Project. When you click on the link the Arms Wide Open bar will appear. Click on "Vote for this idea." This will prompt you to fill out the needed sign-in information and then you can officially vote.
This money will be used to fund research for childhood cancer including neuroblastoma. You can vote once/day/email address. You must sign-in with each different email address. You may also vote once/day by texting 102653 TO PEPSI (73774). Voting will continue through the end of September.
#3 - I don't know how many more ways I can talk about how sad I am and how much I miss my sweet boy. Ever since the one year date has passed things have just been going from bad to worse. I am often frustrated, angry, sad, tired, unmotivated, easily agitated, indecisive, withdrawn, and anti-social. I have much I want to say but I am just too emotionally drained to find the energy to create something that truly says what I am feeling each and every day of this life without Nick. I cannot begin to explain how this feels in any real way. I am so scattered and unable to stay focused.
Nick's birthday will be here very soon. I cannot believe it will be one year since we all gathered at his memorial. I had a dream about Nick. It was very brief. I woke up and a while later as I lay in my bed, I suddenly realized I had had a dream and Nick was in the dream. I remember thinking to myself that he looked good, but, he was still so thin. But, the Nick in my dream wasn't when Nick had been sick. It seemed that it was more like when he was in high school. He came up to to me while I was talking to someone and he tapped me on the shoulder, as if to say, "Mom, I'm here." As I was dreaming I didn't process that I was "seeing Nick" and that I better get a good look at him and hug him. It wasn't like I was "OMG, it's Nick"....and I was all happy that I was able to see him and touch him in my dream. For some reason in the few dreams I have had of Nick, the idea that Nick is gone and now I am seeing him in a dream never computes. After I woke up and it was too late I realized all this and then I just cried.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
3 comments:
Big hugs, Diane..... big hugs and lots of love
Annie
Just wondering -- have you thought about how Nick might feel watching from heaven as you flounder? Would he want you to suffer so? I'm probably not the first to ask this. If only all that frustrating energy could be channeled into something positive, maybe something to honor him. Probably not the first to suggest that either, but I'm thinking Nick might rest easier knowing his Mother had found her way out of the abyss....you know the story about the abyss -- you're not down there alone even tho you may think you are.
Sorry if this makes you mad Diane, I worry about you.
~P~
Desert Crone,
I just want to say that this comment really hurt me. I choose not to address it now because I am very sad and it is Nick's birthday and I want to write a post about Nick. If you are truly worried about me this is not the way to show it.
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