What is "happy?"
I cannot say "happy birthday."
I cannot make myself say those words.
Your birthday will never be "happy" again.
How do I explain how your birth has forever changed my world?
How do I explain how your death has forever changed my world?
Today you would have been thirty-three years old.
I cannot imagine that world.
I cannot imagine who you would be or what your life would be if you were still here.
I cannot imagine who I would be or what my life would be if you were still here.
There is a broken place inside of me.
I must learn to live with that place and make a life around it.
I struggle to find my way in a world that has been irrevocably changed.
I love you my dear sweet boy.
I plead for you to come home and see your Mama.
My heart is broken.
I love you always and forever my sweet Nickolas.
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