Today you are supposed to be living your life.
Today I am supposed to be living my life too.
Today I am supposed to be celebrating the birth of my first child.
Instead, I am grieving the death of my first child, seven years ago.
There is nothing that will ever happen with you now or ever.
It makes me so angry.
It makes me so sad.
I want to feel something besides anger and sadness. I love you my sweet boy. I love you more than words can say. I am tired of writing on this blog about all the times and dates we are missing you since you left us. So very tired....most days I cannot figure out a reason to go on. As far as I can tell, no one understands that...no one even knows that is how I feel most days. The only reason I stay here is for your sister. I thought something was going to change my life for the better, but that didn't work out. So the darkness is closing around me again. I don't think I will be able to make it out again. Time keeps running away from me. It goes so fast...
“I kneel in the nights before tigers that will not let me be. what you were will not happen again. the tigers have found me and I do not care.” ~ Charles Bukowski
"The days run away like horses over the hills." ~ Charles Bukowski
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