Poop Poetry

It has recently come to my attention that there is an online company that allows one to send fecal matter to friends and enemies alike. This has prompted me to go off on a tangent about that very topic, which due to the “Disney Label” on this blog, I will announce that this entry is not G-rated and therefore, not for those easily offended by poop and it’s other more derogatory names. So, if you are not allowed to say curse words like “Shhhhh……it” went out the window or you are otherwise offended, please STOP reading this now.

First of all, the company is euphemistically named “Poopsenders!” This likens the product to something as innocuous as I don’t know a little tiny baby poop that you wrap up in the diaper and throw in the trash can. No…this is like a gallon jug of gorilla poop.

Which begs the question, how exactly do they produce this product? I can see the company providing a lot of jobs; for example, they would need the poopers, the pooper scoopers, the pooper packagers (also known as gift wrappers) and writers for the creative cards to be included with the gift, like the simple yet loving sentiment, “I Thought of You Today” to the angry warning “Don’t get shitty!”

I took the liberty of compiling a list of expressions and or sayings on the topic, which is actually quite lengthy and I am sure I have forgotten more than a few. I then composed a little ditty about all the sh*tty, it would go well with a tune like the REM song, “It’s The End of the World As We Know It.” So wanna here it? Here it go… (which in deference to my Disney label has an * to make me feel better)….

Bullsh*t In Baghdad

Dog sh*t, horse sh*t, can never have too much of it.
Jack sh*t, bullsh*t, people going ape sh*t.
Sh*t shingle, feel it tingle, sh*t faced, let’s mingle.
Sh*t head, sh*t smear, when can I get outta here.
Shi*t hole, “Holy sh*t!” IED!!!! Took a hit.
Sh*t kicker, kick the can, watch it as it hits the fan.
Sh*t creek without a paddle. Keep on fighting, losing battle.
Sh*tty job, won’t quit. Hate this place. “No shit!”