Cradling the Soul

The title of this photo is "Breaking Apart." Sometimes I feel as if that is what is happening to everything I know about my world. It has been particularly difficult for me lately. I just cannot seem to rebound from this one as quickly as I usually do. I know that I will but, I just feel like there is a heavy weight holding me down and I cannot get up. I have no energy or motivation to do anything, except take care of Nick. In this I am steadfast and I will not give up on this fight.

In the way of updates, I don't have much news today as Nick's appointment was cancelled and rescheduled for tomorrow by the doctor. Dr. F's office just calls up and tells us not to come on Wednesday and plan to come on Thursday. After all, we weren't doing anything right? I am hoping that tomorrow when we do go down to the Hop we will be able to get results of all the tests. Nick has decided he would like to have a meeting with Dr. J and Dr. F and whomever we need to meet with to discuss the latest developments and come up with a definitive plan.

Today was a quiet, gray, dreary, cold and wet day. I am happy to say I did not go out into the cold at all. Nick had a visit from Barry and mostly rested. It has been rough not knowing how all the new medicines are going to effect Nick's body. I am sadly amazed at how much the human body can tolerate in terms of chemical assault weapons. Nick is on so many meds that have side effects too innumerable to mention here. Even the "mild" side effects can make you feel miserable and yet, my boy keeps chuggin' along. He is definitely still recovering from the ten days in hospital and perhaps the chemo is hitting him a little bit in terms of his energy and appetite. His stomach has been bothering him as well, so I hope nothing new is developing. In the meanwhile, Nick went to Kate' s parents for dinner. Of course, I was worried and I did not feel that he was up to it. But, I have to let him live his life. He was very tired when he got home and went up to bed straight away. I hope he feels renewed in the morning.

And on a final note, I want to thank everyone for their continued support of Nick and all of us. Words cannot express how much the love and support of Nick and all of us in this family means to each of us and most importantly to Nick's recovery. Those of us in the trenches get weary and we also need to be lifted physically, emotionally and spiritually so that we may continue to lift Nick. We all need our family and friends more than ever. We are all fighting this horrible disease in one way or another every minute of every day 365/24/7! Can you imagine what that must be like? Please don't be afraid to be in touch with us. Please don't worry about what to say. When we get emails, face book comments, cards, letters, pictures, thoughts, words of wisdom, visits, calls, whatever, it brings us much needed energy, it renews our spirit, it provides moments of laughter, it gives us someone to talk to and someone who will listen. The journey is long and we are still riding the train...I hope that most of you will continue to ride along, because we cannot do it without all of you. I found this poem/writing about friends. The author calls her friends the "She's." All of you are our "She's". Thank you for being there for all of us and especially for Nick. Please keep the prayers and good wishes coming. I know Nick is a little down right now too. We all need a few good laughs right now.

Friends

it was the 'She's' who saved her
pulled her up and pulled her through.
they wove a lifetime blanket of old + wise
green + blessed truths,
that cradled her soul
and saved her from freezing.

Just a quick P.S. - if anyone would like to support one of the soldier's who has a great milblog so that he can win the Weblog Award 2008 for military blogs, please click on this link and vote for the military blog Army Of Dude. http://2008.weblogawards.org
You can only vote once a day for the next couple of days. Thank you for your votes!