Choosing Happiness

One year and three days ago on May 28th, 2008, Nick's life and the lives of those who love him were forever changed. I will never forget the shock and disbelief we were all feeling. It seems like just yesterday that Nick and I made that first fateful trip to John's Hopkins and now it seems like there is no end in sight. Nick has been through so much and yet he remains steadfast in his mission to stay "in the fight" against what has proven itself to be a formidable enemy.

While I often use this blog to complain and whine and express all manner of frustration, I would be remiss if I didn't give thanks for all the blessings in my life. I am not a very "up with people" kind of person. I tend to see the glass half empty...it is just the way I am. In my own life, the mix of nature and nurture has created who I am and try as I might I can't seem to undo the way I view a world that can often be so full of pain and suffering. On the other hand, there are often equal amounts of goodness, love and caring to balance all the bad stuff. I guess it just seems that the bad stuff has been up in my face for so long, I can't help but be overwhelmed with it all. Where are the damn rose colored glasses when I need them?

So here is an excerpt from a wonderful book called "Growing Wings" by Kristen Jongen. It is Sara's book and she lets me borrow it when I need inspiration. The title of this excerpt is called "Shoe drop." This is so what I CANNOT seem to do....I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop and this only seems to make one irritable, jumpy and unable to live in the moment. That is why I love this little story...I want to "learn to trust happiness." So anyway, here goes.

shoe drop by Kristen Jongen

"It occurred to me this reprieve of sadness is a choice. It's a choice to mentally let go of the obsession to worry even in the midst of the storm-and let the ship sail where it may. I am always afraid of retreating into denial if I don't face something down. Yet there is a happy medium, I suppose. A place where I choose to be optimistic. A place where I unabashedly allow myself freedom and happiness without feeling it's an invitation for the other shoe to drop. I want to learn to trust happiness. To let myself feel good. The shoe can drop whether or not I am happy, sad, pensive, obsessive, staring at it or enjoying myself. Watching it drop is, in the end, no less painful than hearing it drop and turning to look. Or hearing later that it has dropped. The fallout is the same. At least it has been, to this point. Why not choose happiness?"