On Thursday, August 13th at approximately 1750, I lost my beautiful son, Nickolas, to the lung complications of his bone marrow transplant. Words cannot express the grief and pain I am feeling right now. It was our decision to withdraw support and put an end to Nick's suffering. This was the most difficult and heartwrenching process I have ever had to go through. No parent should ever have to do this. Nickolas was a blessing in my life beyond anything words can say. I am in shock right now and cannot believe that this is real. I feel like I can't put a coherent sentence together. I cannot fathom how just hours ago my son was alive and now he is gone. Gone forever. I do not know how I will fill this void in my life. I have been missing him for days and I miss him now more than ever. To think that right now he is lying in a morgue in the basement of Hopkin's hospital, well, you might as well just take my heart and rip it from my chest. I will never be the same...this experience has forever changed me. I miss you my beautiful son, I love you with every fiber of my being. I pray to God you are now happy and free. I pray that the angels carry you to all those places you have been wanting to see and bring you all those foods that you have been wanting to eat. And most of all I pray that you are finally free of the burden of those lungs that have betrayed you at every turn. At long last you can breathe easy. Fill those lungs and scream out, "I'm free, I'm finally free." One night Nick had a bad dream and he woke up crying. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "I had a bad dream and I couldn't find you." I will always be there for you my sweet Nick. I will never be far and you will always be in my heart." God give me the strength to find a way to do this...my heart is broken into a million pieces.
41 comments:
Ncik I loved you very much I am dedicating the rest of my life acoplishments to you Nick! I know you did get to live a full life and do everything you wanted so I am going to do it for you. I hope your at peace. Your home now Nick, your home! I love you so much!-Jared Overtoom
Diane,
There are no words to heal your pain, but please know how sorry we are! I never met Nick, but from your posts and everyone's kind words, he seemed nothing short of a spectacular young man.
The Demskis
Diane and family,
Words cannot express how sorry we are to hear your loss. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,love leaves a memory no on can steal.
Warmest sympathy,
Brenda and Jillian Weinreich
Big D,
There are no words. But yet you still seem to find the perfect words for us to read. I am truly sorry for your loss of Nick. Although Nick and I only met a few times, I knew how special he was to you and your whole family. Trust that he's in a happier place where he doesn't have to suffer. Also trust that he can find you anytime he needs. Please know that we're thinking of you, saying prayers, and wishing you joyful times to come again. We love you.
With deepest sympathy,
Sarah & Chi
I am so very, very sorry to hear this news. I know that Nick has felt your love deeply over the past year and that it was your love that gave him so much strength for so long.
Hymn of Promise - "In our end is our beginning, in our time infinity; in our doubt there is believing, in our life, eternity. In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory, unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see."
May you all know how deeply you are loved by so very many people.
Debbie Kosmer
Dear Diane,
I am so sorry. Your wonderful son has touched the lives of so many people, he will never be forgotten. Nick through your blog has taught an endless list of people how to be courageous, a fighter, and most importantly how to love life. I can not imagine your loss, but I do know you were lucky enough to have been blessed with Nick for 26 years, but I wish it had been 100 years more. Diane, please remember you did everything you possibly could, Nick went from your loving arms to God's loving arms. he is at peace. Now i pray that you too will find some peace and continue to live life to the fullest, just like Nick tried so hard to do.
Love,
Mary Eichelman
Diane,
I am so sorry for your loss.I will continue to pray for your family.I hope you can take comfort in knowing Nick is in a better place now,and his time on earth was inspirational.
Mr. Mike
Diane, I am so, so very sorry to hear about Nick. I can understand how very hard the decision must have been. A heart breaking situation and no words I say can do anything to heal that pain. Take care of yourself and I'll be thinking of you and your family in the coming days. I am, once again, so very sorry about Nick. Love Stephanie P.
Big D, I cannot believe that this has happened. I am so very sorry and I cannot imagine how you feel. Please be strong and know how much we all love you.
I love you
Emily Madeira
Diane, Glenn, Sara and Kate
Our hearts feel your pain. We are so saddened by this loss. I can say that it was a pleasure watching Nick grow up and we have such great memories of him from a child to the wonderful man he became. We will miss him sorely but he will always be in all of our hearts.
I know there are no words to comfort you but know that Nick knew how much you loved him and you were there for him every step of the way. He will always be with you Diane.
May he be at peace and may his memories and love for all of you guide you through these days, months and yrs ahead.
With love and friendship
The Donoghue's
Dear Diane,
We are so deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your loving son, Nick. As always your words have touched us more than we can say and we wish we could ease your pain. You are forever his mother Diane, as he is forever free of the broken body that he spent his last days in. Nick's spirit will always be with you. Now HE is YOUR guardian angel.
Much love, hugs and our deepest symathy,
Vicki and Nichole Tinsley
Diane and family,
I am so sorry for your loss of Nick. It does not seem possible that he and you fought so hard to end like this. No words or actions will ever say enough to ease your pain. He was a wonderful person and your beautiful son. Losing a child is the worst pain a family can endure. I have lost two brothers and have seen my parents suffering and hate to see you go through the same. Please take care of yourself and Sara. You will be in my prayers forever.
Stacy Allwein
(Kate's Cousin)
Diane,
God's grace, mercy, comfort as you and your family end this difficult journey and begins a new one; Jesus' hand was there for Nick as he left what he knew here for what we all look forward to there... I pray that each of you find ways to heal your broken hearts and that in doing so, you grow stronger as a family. Nick was so blessed to have you, an amazing family.
Kate,
You didn't have Nick for as long but you gave him a love we all yearn for and his life was doubly blessed for you having been a part of it. I pray that God blesses you for your kindnesses and love and gives you strength and comfort as you go through the healing process, too.
Love,
Joyce
Oh this is so incredibly sad, I am so sorry to hear this news. Diane, each one of us will carry Nick and all your family, in our hearts always.
Deepest sympathy and love
Annie
Dear Diane,
We are so very sad to hear about the loss of Nick, your precious son. Always remember as we all do from reading your blogs that you and your family fought so hard and did so much for Nick and he knew that as well. Nick will always be with you and with those who knew him he was an incredible young man who fought so hard, he is now looking down on you and saying I Love You Mom.....
"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."
With Deepest Sympathy and Love,
Tammy and Tiffany Cupp
Nick fought long and hard but the battle was never his it all belong to the lord he is in much better place as I came into work everyday on 5b I always said individual prayers for the patients and there families and by time I reached the 5th floor I was saying a prayer for nick well being lastnight was especially hard me to clean his room as I was cleaning I found a poster board with words of encourage posted all over it and slots with letters in them I read some of the letters and it brought tears to my eyes of how many people Nick affected I'm at a lost for words just hold on to gods unchanging hand Sean weingberg5b
Pippen Family,
The world is a better place for having had Nick in it, even for such a short amount of time.
His fight, and your dedication to him has been inspirational.
I am sorry for your pain. You are all in our prayers.
Beth Davis
So sad to hear this. I have been reading and following your blog for so long now and left many a silent prayers for your son. May God rest his soul in peace. He suffered too much for too long, and now he is free from all that crap. I pray that you find sollace in that.
Oh Diane,
I wish I had the words for you. You don't know me but I came to your blog after reading about Nick on Annie's blog. I have been following Nick's story for awhile now. I check in every day and have been sending so many healing thoughts to Nick.
I am just devastated to read this news this morning. I am so sorry for the very difficult decision you had to make and for the loss of Nick. I wish I had words of comfort for you. I'm just sitting at my desk at work crying because I really feel I learned about Nick through your writing and I was hoping and praying that he would get better.
Sending you big hugs of comfort.
Diane,
I am so sorry. I wish I could do something to ease your pain. You all put up an amazing fight and I learned so much from Nick as he battled this vicious enemy.
It gives me comfort at times to remember that Jesus shares in our grief and pain. Verse 35 in John chapter 11 reads simply "Jesus wept". John 11 tells the story of the death of Lazarus who was the brother of Mary and Martha. Jesus knew their pain and sorrow and he knows your's now. I pray He gives you comfort and peasce and strength.
Love,
Miss Vic
Dear Diane,
I was a classmate of Nicks from Middle through highschool, and everything anyone has ever said about him is true, and wonderful friend , son and what a loss we have now that he has gone to hevan. I'm truely sorry for your loss and I speak for all of his friends and alum from Joppatowne high when I say we all hope he rest in peace
Free at last. Free at last. Beautiful Nick is free of pain and suffering. You all did everything you could do. I followed your journey from beginning to end and have such wonderful memories of Nick's visit with us at Christmas time.
With all our love and many prayers, Aunt Marie and Uncle Paul
Diane,
Words cannot express my sorrow about the loss of your son.
I know that your strength will help you to get through this very difficult time.
Please know that my thoughts are with you and your family.
With deepest sympathy,
Christa Verleger
Thank God that Nick is pain-free at last. I am so proud of my daughter Diane who has steadfastly suffered at his side thru this long,sad journey--she is the mother we all aspire to be.
How blessed I feel that Nick and I were able to spend some time and enjoy music together. Today I have been asking Nick to intercede for all of us who loved him so dearly and begging him to ask our Lord to help us learn to live without our Nick.
It is comforting to know that we now have our own angel to "pray us thru the gates of Heaven". God bless my very first grand-son.
Diane and family,
I am so sorry to hear that Nick's battle has ended. He was such an extraordinary young man and the love and strength that you all have shown through this is something that I will never ever forget. I have learned so much from your story. I know that the things you and Nick have taught me will carry me through many difficult times. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful son and your loving relationship with all of us. Although I never met him, Nick will forever hold a special place in my heart.
I now pray that you and your family will find the strength to find peace and happiness again.
Warmest sympathies,
Maureen Martin
Dearest Diane and Family,
Truly, there are no words to ease your pain, only for comfort and to simply say we are sorry for your loss is just not enough. You have been a special part of our family for more than 10 years and are all truly love and cherished.
Throughout this heart-wrenching journey, we joined with others in love and support to pray daily for God’s mercy and the miracle to change it all. Nick’s love for life was evident and his fight was amazing, all the while your love, strength and courage helped carry him through. This was truly beautiful and inspiring, even though painful and difficult to imagine as a mother myself.
I believe you were blessed with a very special gift, Nick. And, while we all have different ideas and definitions of a miracle, God showed his greatest mercy by making Nick his special angel. He is no longer in pain, is finally at peace, and will always be with you, a part of you, watching over you as your special guardian angel. Try to take solace in your memories, as this is the greatest way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose.
We pray you will find ways to grow stronger as a family, heal your broken hearts, and continue your journey in life with faith, love, strength and courage for brighter and joyful days.
Love,
Pam, Charlie, Charlie and Alyssa
<3
“When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.” ~Author Unknown
Dear Pippen Family,
There are no words to express my condolences and sorrow for the loss of your beautiful son,Nick. Always remeber you did everything you could for Nick and in so doing you were part of his transition to a better place. He is at peace now and smiling down on you and will always be with you. I hope you can find comfort in all of those cherished memories of Nick.
May God bless you,guide you, and give you strength.
Our Deepest Sympathy,
The Repperts
Diane, Words cannot express how sad I feel at this time. I didnot know Nick that well but thru your blog I have felt the love and loss as a Mother. Please know that I am still saying prayers for you, Glenn and Sara during this difficult time. God chooses the most beautiful rose for His Garden.Linda Hewitt
Diane, Glenn, Sara and Kate-
Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss of Nick. I wish all of you peace and strength in the days to come.
Beth Beringer (Ginni's sister)
Diane,
I've never met you, Nick, or your family, but your near-daily updates made me feel as if I knew you both. Comments from strangers probably will do nothing to fill the emptiness, but please know that you did all you could to help Nick. He was an amazing young man, strong enough to go through all of this, and his story touched my heart. I'm sure he's looking down on you know, thankful for all you did for him. I was so sad to read this news just a few minutes ago, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to what you feel. Please know that your family - Nick included - is in my heart and my prayers.
All my love I am sending to you.
Diane and Family,
I am your dad's fiancee's daughter, Kristi, in Florida. I want to extend my sincerest sympathies to you in this impossible time of your lives.....I read your last post only and feel so totally helpless and sad for your tremendous loss. I pray you will find some relief in what must be the most difficult thing...... I am so sorry you are going through this.....
Kristi D'Albert
Linda Hewitt's daughter
Nick:
I love you. You are the best person i've ever known. I miss you my friend.
To the Pippens: I am incredibly sorry for your loss, and you should know how much Nick was loved by everyone who knew him.
Love, forever,
Mike Toll and Rachael Rose
Diane,
There are no words at this time to help ease the pain your family is feeling. Your messages were such a tribute to Nick and how he touched so many lives with his courageous battle...and now he is free..but he will always be your Forever Child
You are a Precious Child
Created out of love,
a blessing from above.
I've adored you from the start,
and your little footprints touched my heart.
A single teardrop represents the millions I have cried
My life never the same since you died.
I wish you could have stayed longer with me,
I'd watch you grow into all you could be.
Although we are apart,
Your are Always in My Heart.
I dream of a joyful time when
we will be reunited once again.
Thoughts of you make me smile.
You will always be My Forever Child™
~© Susan Mosquera~
I hope you know how many people love you.
Donna and Emily Campbell
May God be with you and your family during this time. Nick will never die so long as his memory lives on. God Bless, Jeff and Amy Potter
Dear Pippen Family,
I was so saddend to hear the news about Nick.
Although I didn't get to know him as well as I would have liked, I could tell from our dinner together that he was a fine young man that had a great deal of personality and charm, just like his dad!
Ever since I heard of Nick's illness, I had been praying diligently for him and your family.I was always concerned about him and the toll that I knew it was taking on Glenn and Diane each day.
At this unimaginable time, I would like to offer my most sincere and heart felt condolences to you all and reassure you that Nick will continue to live in all of the hearts of those that knew him the best; he will continue to be an inspiration to your family and to his friends. I know that he touched my life the one night we got together at your home.
If there is ANYTHING that I can do, please contact me. I would be honored to provide any support that you might need.
Fondly,
Dane Williams
I know Nick and your family though your lovely Mother and my good friend Marie. My heart is so very sad for your entire family.
Sincerely,
Norma
I know Nick and your family through your lovely Mother, Marie.
My heart is so sad for your entire family. Sincerely,
Norma
Diane,
My deepest sympathy for your loss. I am a friend of Elaine Chapa. I met Nick at Hopkins when my husband was also going thru treatments. My husband passed away in April. Elaine has been keeping me updated on Nick. I just found your blog today. I cried reading your blog. You should be an author!!
Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted. (Matthew 5:4)
May you find comfort in your faith, and consolation in your many friends who care.
Debbie Carson
I've been an infrequent visitor for some time, but I was heart broken to read this news.
Diane, you and your family have my deepest sympathies.
A thought that has gotten me through many years of my life..."If God has brought me to this, God will bring me through it."
{{mom hugs}}
Lynnis
Diane,
I just emailed you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you, even from over here.
- Jason
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