Spinning out of controlYet standing still.
Days go by,
The shock continues on.
"Try to stay busy."
Advice freely given by those who have not lost their only beautiful, first-born son.
"Busy" only numbs the pain.
A temporary fix that lulls me into a false sense of calm.
Feeling trapped in a life that I don't want to live
without my son in it.
Questions and regret chase through my brain the moment my head hits the pillow at night.
Sleeping never used to be this difficult.
When the whirling stops the sadness floods in, drowning me in the sorrow of my loss.
3 comments:
Diane, I am thinking of you daily. I feel your pain even though I have not lost a son. Death is so individual that it is hard to put oneself in your shoes. Again, I say that one day your heart will heal even though you cannot imagine this today. Please hangon for this too shall pass. Love, Linda Hewitt
Diane,
I pray for you and your family everyday that somehow your pain will ease. I really don't know what to say to help you except to be here to read your words and let you know that we are still listening. It is just unimaginable to me what ths feels like........
I am sure by now you have been contacted by grief councelors, probably affiliated with Johns Hopskins which I am sure you want no part of.
My sister is a councelor/therapist. If this was happening to me, I already know what she would say to me. She would tell me to find a professional that I trust to talk to. One that specializes in grief and loss. Even if they haven't lived this nightmare, they are trained to help you figure out ways of living with this loss and when and where to seek other avenues of help.
Maybe you are at a point now where you could confide in someone to help you sort out this rollercoaster and grief / depression. I absolutely love reading your blog and I am so glad you have this outlet, but as your friend I know that we can only support and respond to let you know we are here and listening. We cannot give you any professional advice on how you are suppose to cope with the most devastating loss a person can ever have to suffer. If you haven't already found someone to help you, please consider it. Depression / grief can be dangerous sometimes.
You are a medical professional, if this were your sister, what would you ask her to do?
I love you,
Vicki T.
Hi Diane,
I know that what you are going through is a journey that only you can take, but I can't help but worry about you, because I love you. There is no inconvenient time to call and nothing too little to ask for. I know that you probably don't really feel like being social right now and I want to make sure you know that I totally understand that. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers always. Love, Miss Vic
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