He spake well who said that graves are the footprints of angels.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
This is what I call the "What Not To Wear Trio."
A picture that seems from so long ago. This photo was taken in the backyard of Glenn's parent's rowhome in Essex. On Saturdays, Pip & Nana often would babysit Nickolas while Glenn & I went off to teach gymnastics and dance classes.
Nick doesn't look to happy about something. Maybe it is that flannel shirt I am wearing or perhaps it was that blue hoodie with the orange sweatpants! Ha! I remember that little blue hoodie. Oh my sweet little boy, I loved you so then and I love you so much now. My heart aches for you every day.
I was on the phone with my accountant's office. The nice lady there who is helping me get my Quickbooks together for taxes was talking to me. She was so excited because she was going to be a grandmother for the second time. My mind immediately went to Nick and how Glenn & I will never have any grand babies from our sweet son. How none of us will get to see Nick be a Dad. I won't get to hold Nick's babies and I won't get to hold my baby in my arms ever again.
Today marks another "13th" on the calender. I struggle every day to make sense of this loss. I am starting to understand that I have only just begun the process of trying to find meaning in a world without my son. As I wrote to another struggling with a recent loss, I am trying to find islands of peace in my ocean of sorrow. Right now, those islands are few and far between.
When he shall die
Take him and cut him out in little stars
And he will make the face of heav'n so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
~William Shakespeare
2 comments:
Diane,
I love when you post pictures. The faces in the picture tell such a beautiful story. They go along with your amazing ability to share your feelings. It is so sad to think you will not hold your son's children, but I guess you have to think how blessed your were to have had Nick in your life. ALthough Nick is absolutely adorable my eyes are drawn to you and the look of love and happiness as you stare at your son. Being a mom I certainly understand that look. Diane you are teaching us all to cherish those moments, that we take for granted and I thank you for that. I just wish Nick were by your side as you teach us, and help others. But really he is closer than that he is in your heart.
Love,
Mary Eichelman
Hi Daughter, Linda and I where looking at the picture of how not to dress, and Linda thought that Glen was Nick as an adult, and asked who's the baby, and I SAID IT'S NICK. Keep your spirits up,though I know it's hard for you at this time. We love you, L. Dad
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