One week from today, Nick will be admitted at Hopkins. He will be having a (central line) catheter placed in his subclavian vein and he will begin his chemotherapy regimen. I am having trouble dealing with this reality right now and it seems I am unable to summon the simplest of thoughts let alone compose a coherent blog post. My mind is numb and I am functioning (poorly) in an emotional vacuum. The combined effects of late nights (Olympics watching), restless sleep, and early mornings (gotta get up, too much to do) have no doubt led to the zombie-like fog that I have been attempting to slog through.
The "to-do" list keeps multiplying like the Dugger family. Knowing that I have only five days to complete so many tasks has left me immobilized by the enormity of it all. There are way too many plates starting to teeter up there and I am just about past caring how many of them come crashing to the ground.
Getting things settled at the studio has been my biggest concern and at least with regard to covering my teaching hours, I will soon be able to put a check mark in that box. The house cleaning, organizing, pitching and preparing for "Ty Pennington" has brought the task list to "a whole nova level." I keep praying to the cleaning Gods for divine intervention.
Nick has been doing very well physically, but, emotionally I would say things have been a little rougher of late. I suspect that he is also feeling the weight of what is to come. My usually happy go-lucky son has been replaced by a quieter, more somber guy. When a smile does come to his face, I see my old Nick there. The hugs are still real good and I look forward to them each day. Sometimes, it is hard for me to get a read on his feelings and what he is thinking about all of this. I also then feel guilty that I cannot spend more time with him like I want to because I am busy spinning all these stupid plates. I guess at the core of it all that is what really bothers me the most; and the sands keep running through that hour glass so fast and I can hear the flying monkeys coming.
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